thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
