I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
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I don't deserve a penis
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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