so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
