there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
