five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My vagina is officially offended.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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