Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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