PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
