I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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