WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
