hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
