I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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