I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Randomize
