To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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