If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
