So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
