i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize