I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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