Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
