Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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