you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
