She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
