Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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