the condom got lost in my hair
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
