Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
