exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
