I cannot find my penis.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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