i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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