There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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