I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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