You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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