Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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