Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
