You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
