Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
