Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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