Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
