just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
