im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
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Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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