He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
