I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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