girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
