You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
