This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
