So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
