I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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