i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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