Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
