Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
