So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize