Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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