Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
