Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
