week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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