a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
