I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The power of my boobs compel you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
