Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
