Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
