Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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