so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
