Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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