I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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