last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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