so explain again why im purple
no
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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