I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
