You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
