I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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