it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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