it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
