I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
