What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
