I look better un-naked...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
