fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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