Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
