OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
