So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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